brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
