please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
