Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
