It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
