About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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