I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.