I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours