I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?