is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.