I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.