morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
