He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
