My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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