I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
