I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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