Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
