New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
