I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
