Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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