What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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