Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
