Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
