Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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