i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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