The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize