drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
