if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
