remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
