His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
