Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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