Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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