That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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