Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
