You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
