I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
