So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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