some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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