You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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