The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
