I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
