my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
