how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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