what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
