Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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