What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
