He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
