I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
