to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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