Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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