Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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