haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
