dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
