She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
