He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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