conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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