what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
