My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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