at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
