Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
