Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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