dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so let's talk penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
