ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
