: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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