is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
