dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
