I am puke
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
