The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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