you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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