so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
