you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dick has a subreddit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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