stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize