I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Will you blow on my dice?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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