and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
