Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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