you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
