whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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