So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i think i just lost a toe
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
