So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
