Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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