I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
