dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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