just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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