bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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