wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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