at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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