What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
